How come whenever someone potentially awesome enters your life, there's another one to make things confusing? I've been running on a dry spell every since the rehab romance fiasco/psychotic break. I've had lots of time to reflect on how I should have paid attention to all the warning signs that this guy was damaged beyond my means of being able to help, and really the only thing I can come up with in terms of an answer is that if I had just gone back to using moderately instead of daily, none of that would have happened in the first place. But we all know that's bullshit. He was cute, I was horny, newly sober and not thinking with a normal brain. End of story.
So I've got this date tomorrow with a guy who seems perfect on paper and text. Who knows, maybe we'll hate each other in real life, but I'm pretty psyched. But there's also this other guy, someone from my past who I always thought was "the one who got away" because we have been violently ripped apart twice now over the past thirteen years. Things feel calmer now and I think we're both on the precipice of change - wanting something more out of life, being aware of our age. But I'm scared of him. I don't think I could handle a third meltdown with him. Plus, maybe I'm just old-fashioned at heart, but I don't feel comfortable dating two guys at once, even if it is casual. It feels dishonest. I think that's my real aversion to reality dating shows. It has nothing to do with eating a pig's vagina, it's that if you are kissing person A, you really shouldn't also be kissing person B.
Oh my god. I am a SECRET PRUDE!!!!
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