Pronoun Deficiency

Anna just brought up a really good point. She wanted to know if someone needs to unite with a minority group that they belong to, in an effort to better their political and social standing. My gut reaction to any type of question like this is No, it's a matter of free will. But it's a confusing issue for me. I will always fight for gay rights, I just don't really like most of the people I have to fight alongside with. Anytime I hear a guy refer to another guy as "girl" my skin crawls. Is every single gay man out there pronoun deficient?!
But then I look at the type of guys I usually date. It's always a closeted straight guy or a really out there character. Not flamboyant, just someone you'd notice in a room, either through a magnetic personality or their sheer insanity. Maybe it's because I secretly want to be that outgoing person. But I KNOW that I don't! Whenever I'm dating someone who is "animated," I want to keep them to myself, in my house, in my bed. I find myself getting angry and annoyed with them in public. I know this makes me a dick, but I'm trying to change, which is why I'm writing about all this in the first place.
Anyway, back to Anna's question. I'm willing to bet that the overriding answer, from a moral standpoint, is Yes. And I understand all the reasons why. But then you get all the infighting. Gays who are pro marriage and those who don't give a shit, and feel annoyed about being hassled by their friends about it. I empathize with both sides. In any minority group (or group, period) there is going to be infighting on which specific issues are most important. And it's all that policy talk and getting nowhere that just makes my heart sink and want to walk away.
That said, Yay California! At least something has gone right recently.