Hello Tomorrow

I don't really hate god. I don't even know what it is. But I am a fag, have been ever since I can remember. I like to think I don't act like one though, and I'm told that makes me homophobic against myself. Well, that's what all the counselors in rehab said. I think it's less that I hate other gay people than it is that I hate loud people. And a lot of gays are really loud.
My rehab stint was recent and cut short once my insurance ran out. I suppose I could blame my few relapses since I got out on that fact, but I'll man up and take responsibility. My Drug of Choice is a bit harder to come by than most drugs so that makes not using easier, but when I put my mind to it I can always hunt it down. I still let myself drink and don't feel guilty about that because I know I'm not an alcoholic. A few pitchers shared with friends on a Sunday afternoon doesn't make me a lush. And beer doesn't turn into a "gateway" experience either. I don't like using my Drug of Choice when I'm drunk, it just ruins the effect.
I'm starting this blog for a couple of reasons. One is that it's my hope that whenever someone does a Google search for Godhatesfags.com they come across this instead. The other reason is that I've lapsed on keeping a journal lately and I hope that because this seems somehow more official (since it's in a public forum) I'll be more inspired to write for myself rather than just the magazines I already work for. I'm choosing to stay anonymous because of the small chance that this record is ever discovered by Fred Phelps and I become a target of his. I'm not scared of standing up to him, I just hate the idea of suddenly dropping dead from a drug overdose or a car accident and having him and his minions show up at my funeral to picket. I personally wouldn't mind, but if that ever happened I know that my sister would probably attack them with the knife that she always keeps on her, and I'd like to keep her from going back to jail. Even in death.
So, welcome. Hopefully I'll be writing a lot because I've got some things I want to get off my chest, mainly dealing with my weird gay shame issues, my drug addiction and my inability to hold down a relationship with anyone. All things that Mr. Phelps would probably use to his advantage in his argument that god hates fags. But I'm hoping there are more people out there in the world who can relate to at least one of my issues, than there are who relate to his. Please, prove me right.