Wagon Wheels

I'm back on the wagon. I had a three day bender, starting with Thursday night's birth of the bloodstain face. What I didn't mention is that I had to be carried home by an ex, who later told me that after he put me to bed I kept whispering, "What would you do if we were in Alabama?" Right after he left the next morning, another ex called me up and told me he wanted to sleep away our hangovers together, so he came over and we ended up having sex even though he is dating a guy who works in porn and I told myself I wouldn't ever sleep with him again because I'm terrified of STDs.
Friday was the Fourth, so I went a BBQ hosted by yet another ex, this one from my teenage years. He is gay engaged (engayged?) to a ridiculously hot, young Ivy League professor and I'm filled with such jealousy over their perfect, loving relationship that every time I go to a function at their house I have to do tons of blow to keep myself from crying.
So Saturday I woke up with a crippling, death-is-around-every-corner cocaine hangover, and that meant the perfect excuse to do my Drug of Choice, because it eradicates every ounce of horror you feel about the world.
I couldn't sleep Saturday night. I was still high and scared to take any Klonopin to help me sleep because it interacts badly with my Drug so I stayed awake until 7:30 and watched the sun come up. That afternoon I went to my first meeting since I got back from rehab two weeks ago. We'll see how long I last this time. I hope longer.
Today I went to a secret, deserted beach about an hour outside of the city with Anna and the ex I slept with on Friday morning. Got some good sun but was a little too freaked out to swim because the shoreline was covered with about ten million jellyfish, and I didn't feel like getting peed on today.