"Hostel" is Totally Real

I met a Moldavian waiter the other night who told me that the going rate right now in Eastern Europe for killing someone is 100 Euro. Which is like what, $150? I spent seven times that on a new bag two weeks ago. Really makes you think about, like, the horrors of global commerce, right?
Who am I kidding. I'm already making my list.
J/K, Feds!

"Everything begins and ends at exactly the right time and place."

Bigots Need Quick Cash Flow

Awww, even the monsters at Love In Action are feeling the economic crunch. Please forward the following letter to any of your hate-fueled relatives.
PS - the "support" I supposedly gave them actually came from Conde Nast, in order for me to write my story. I was conflicted about paying to enter their program but figured the end result was worth it.

Dear XXXXXXX,

We are so thankful for the support you have given to this ministry and it is our prayer that God is blessing you as you have been a part in the blessing of so many others.

We are going through some trying times in our country's economy and this affects what we are able to do in the ministry as well. So many people are coming to us with the desire to find freedom in Jesus Christ from the sins they are caught up in, whether they be homosexual, heterosexual, relational, or some other addictive behavior. We need your help more than ever to meet the needs of these people.

Regardless of what you have done in the past, will you consider making a special donation to the ministry at this time? We are seeking a hundred people who would give a thousand dollars to meet the present needs of the ministry. Any amount you feel led by the Lord to give will be used to help others. It is our belief that in the process you will receive the blessing also. In order to give online, please use the convenient link below.

If there is anything we can do to minister to you or someone you know, please do not hesitate to contact me.

For the sake of God's Kingdom and His Son,

Rev. Jim Scott
Director
jimscott@loveinaction.org

It's Been a Rough Two Weeks

I forgot I even had this blog. Went to a wedding and got so blasted that I lost both my wallets and my iPod. But the bride found one of my wallets the next day, and over the course of the next week two different forest rangers found my other wallet and my iPod, so, you know, thanks karma!
Other than that I've been trying to land a job and desperately trying to meet my book deadline. Leaving for Tennessee on Tuesday for the final push, I figure the isolation will keep me from getting distracted. Except that I am returning to the town where everything bad in my life began, so maybe this is a mistake, I'm getting that same pit in my stomach that I always get whenever I know I have to go back. I always feel so naked there. And I've been having horrible nightmares about returning to the house all week.
Klonopin, you are my true savior.
PS - the two drugs above can save your life if you are ODing on benzos or opiates. Naloxone is easily picked up at any needle exchange center, not sure where you can get Flumazenil without raising eyebrows.

"You won't get dead-assed..."

Just spent the last two hours catching up on 28 pounds of magazines that I haven't had a chance to look at yet, and I made two important discoveries. The first is that in a piece on the City Center in The New Yorker, Joan Acocella used the term "dead-assed." I love it, and love even more that I now know that the term should be hyphenated. The second discovery came from Elle, where I learned that Judith Leiber is making pill boxes in the form of wrapped candy. I should hate what this implies, but I cant, and would probably buy one for myself if I didn't think that Leiber's products look super tacky.
And speaking of pills, as I often do, I ran into an old friend today who used to give me Valium and blow jobs, in that order. He looked great!

Panic

Head. Spinning.

Oh My God I Miss These SO MUCH

"Didn't your mom teach you to chew with your mouth closed?" "My mom got hit by a garbage truck when I was three."

When I was in high school The Living End was one of my favorite movies. AIDS was in full swing, and here was this movie about a fag who took this nihilistic approach to the whole thing, a fuck the world attitude because there was nothing left to lose anymore. I know that this idea should feel really dated now, but for for some reason it doesn't to me. When I was younger I really identified with the blond guy who just didn't give a shit and went around killing people, and found the brown haired guy kind of annoying, mainly because he fought sharing this idea with his new, suicidal and murderous boyfriend. He was just sort of along for the ride because it seemed new and interesting.
I've had a few bad HIV scares after sleeping with guys who I found out later were positive. I've been lucky so far, luckier than I probably deserve to be. But I still think I might take the same approach as the blond guy in TLE should I ever test positive. I know how horrible that sounds, and everyone will say "but the medicine we have now makes you live longer etc etc." But I would still be so fucking angry, furious that this thing even EXISTS in this world, that it might just unleash all the anger in me that has been disguising itself as banal depression since I was a teenager. So if you ever see me on the evening news, after a blood bath at some Republican or evangelical event, you'll know what happened.
Fuck, I've got to get outside and into the sun.

Urban Legends 3: Bloody Mary

OMG I have SO much to say about this movie I don't even know where to begin. OK, so this is the third film in the Urban Legend series. The premise is standard -- a girl named Mary gets murdered at Homecoming in the 60s and comes back to wreak havoc after a girl says Bloody Mary three times. But she wasn't even looking in a mirror when she said it! Or maybe Bloody Mary is seeking revenge because the sons of the guys who killed her roofied the main character and her friends because the main character wrote a scandalous article about the original jocks' sons in the school paper. Got it? Whatever, this is all irrelevant. I was too focused on this one weird bad guy jock (above), who just didn't seem to fit in with the normal stock actors you see on direct-to-dvd films. He looked like a gay porn star on steroids who is trying to "cross over," or maybe just some stoned dude who works the ski slopes in Park City, since the movie was filmed in Salt Lake City. But I'm leaning towards the porn star theory, because his death occurs when he pisses on an electric fence, and when the EMT workers are packing him up, one of the guys says, "Holy shit, his dick is smokin'!" HA!!!!
Horrible joke, but not the only homoerotic subtext in the movie. The first jock to bite it gets trapped inside a tanning bed (an homage to Final Destination 3?). While he's inside the tanning bed, the camera is viewing him from the feet up and you can practically hear the director whisper "Move your foot so we can see your crotch" and then he does! Which brings me to my last freak out from the film. This movie was directed by MARY LAMBERT!!!! The same woman who directed a ton of Madonna videos, like Material Girl, Like A Virgin, Like a Prayer and La Isla Bonita.
I think this fact lends a lot of cred to my queer theories. There's also a pretty decent 60s sounding soul soundtrack, Sci-Fi Channel style bad digital effects, and a particularly gruesome death scene involving the urban legend about spiders laying eggs under your skin and then hatching. Or is that one real? I can't remember. I know it happened to a woman in The Believers, but in that movie the victim didn't rip her own face off to make it all stop.
Sick!

Big Surprise, MGMT Are Kinda Douchy

A friend of mine had to work at this party where MGMT were playing. One of the lead guys (not sure which one) got really trashed and kept ranting about how the grass they had on the rooftop was "Nazi grass," and that the people who put it there were "fucking Nazis." Dazed and Confused magazine is staffed by Nazis? He also got really pissed off when he saw that the wait staff had to wear new pairs of Converse while they worked and demanded that he get his own free pair.
Dude, they're like $40.

"A Kid Who Tells on Another Kid, Is A Dead Kid"

This movie is art. I never realized it was released on HBO because it was deemed too controversial for theaters. I can see why, I got really uncomfortable lusting after Matt Dillon's torso when he is wearing his cut-off shirt. He was only, like, 15 or something when this was made. Creepy!

Anti-Fashion Week

I got thrown out of Happy Ending last night, somewhere between the free whiskey shots at Julius and being hypnotized by fish the size of dogs lurking in some dude's giant aquarium. Today = pain.

"Credit is like sex: some get it, some don't"

I watched Mala Noche for the first time since high school last night, and holy shit, whatever happened to Tim Streeter? I can't find anything about him on-line, except that he appeared on one episode of 21 Jump Street in 1990.
He is my ideal. Except for the whole only-lusting-after-teenage-Mexicans thing. But wait, that was just his character! I bet he is super smart and cool in real life, and hasn't lost any of his rugged good looks since 1985.
He gets two pics because he is INSANELY HOT.

Vigilantes

I kind of love vigilante activism, especially when it comes to protecting gays. If you live in Lawrence, Kansas, join this new group called Project Resistance I read about on Queerty and see what they're all about. They are talking about watching the streets outside gay bars to prevent bashing.
Kind of like a lavender Bernard Goetz brigade.

Found the Knife

Remember how I had to hide my one sharp kitchen knife from the guy I brought home from rehab, after he went crazy on me? And then I couldn't remember where I hid it? Actually I can't remember if I ever mentioned that here or just told my friends. Anyway, I finally went to Bed Bath & Beyond and bought a new knife yesterday. And then, of course, this morning I found the old one hidden on the top shelf of my kitchen cabinet, behind the aluminum foil.
Damn it.
On a sadder note, I found out yesterday that the rehab boy has been kicked out of his latest sugar daddy's home. He is now turning tricks and living in a park in Minneapolis. He texted me yesterday about it and I told him to check himself immediately into a shelter, but he said he was "too proud to do that." Then you know what? There is fucking nothing I can do about it. You're on your own now, kid. Sorry if that sounds callous, but if you aren't willing to help yourself at least a little bit, then I am not willing to help you.
Sad today.

The Hills Have (Soulless) Eyes

Catching up on trashy TV. On The Hills, Heidi and Spencer went to some restaurant called Cut, and Heidi sat underneath an enormous photograph of someone who I THINK is Christopher Walken. But doesn't it look like some eerie portrait of Spencer from the future?
Shudder.

Lesbian Weekend

Spent the last few days at the sprawling, haunted farmhouse mansion of a famous novelist in upstate New York with a bunch of lesbians. This seems to be my lot in life - vacations in houses owned by esteemed people, with large groups of dykes. I'm not complaining AT ALL, I always have a blast, but one of these days it would be really nice to have another guy come along for the ride. I'm posting my favorite picture of the weekend because the different looks in both of their eyes sum up my lesbian universe perfectly.