Excuses

It's been a week since I've been to a meeting, but I don't think I'll be able to go to one until Tuesday. Unless I make it back out to Fire Island in time for the 6PM tomorrow night. My sister agreed to pay me back a small bit of the 25k she borrowed so hopefully I'll be OK until this damn check arrives.
I don't know how I feel about meetings lately. The only thing they've felt good for so far is making me feel better about my life because I don't think I'm as fucked up as most of those people. I'd rather use the time to work or read or play fetch with my cat. Those things keep me off drugs a lot better then listening to people whine.
Jo keeps asking me if I keep any drugs hidden in the house and I always say no. She makes me swear on my cock and balls and I lie anyway. But last night she asked me again and asked me to swear on my cat, and I couldn't do that. So I came clean about the small stash I have left. It's nothing major but I feel somehow safer knowing it's around. I know this is a typical addict excuse and it just makes it easier for me to relapse if it ever gets to that point, but I physically can't bring myself to throw them out. The stuff I have left is too precious, too hard to come by to simply flush them. In my mind it would be the emotional equivalent of tossing a family heirloom into the Grand Canyon.
Pathetic.