Tonight is my big major debut as the author of my first book. I have no idea how or why, but somehow my publisher got this huge institution to consider me worthy enough to host as a literary host for their annual benefit gala and award party. I'm on a list of co-hosts that includes Wally Lamb and A.M. Homes. I have to host my own table at dinner and entertain these huge donors and major lit types. I am fucking terrified. I've never even done a book reading before. And to make it worse I woke up this morning and my brain is playing one of its awful tricks on me again, making me doubt myself in every way possible. I have two hours to pull my shit together and fake my way through this night. Best case scenario - I have really fun stories to report tomorrow. Worst case scenario - I eat some pills, get tanked and hit on the married President of a rival publishing house before puking outside the Ritz and crashing my truck on the way home. God help me.
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