When I was in high school The Living End was one of my favorite movies. AIDS was in full swing, and here was this movie about a fag who took this nihilistic approach to the whole thing, a fuck the world attitude because there was nothing left to lose anymore. I know that this idea should feel really dated now, but for for some reason it doesn't to me. When I was younger I really identified with the blond guy who just didn't give a shit and went around killing people, and found the brown haired guy kind of annoying, mainly because he fought sharing this idea with his new, suicidal and murderous boyfriend. He was just sort of along for the ride because it seemed new and interesting.
I've had a few bad HIV scares after sleeping with guys who I found out later were positive. I've been lucky so far, luckier than I probably deserve to be. But I still think I might take the same approach as the blond guy in TLE should I ever test positive. I know how horrible that sounds, and everyone will say "but the medicine we have now makes you live longer etc etc." But I would still be so fucking angry, furious that this thing even EXISTS in this world, that it might just unleash all the anger in me that has been disguising itself as banal depression since I was a teenager. So if you ever see me on the evening news, after a blood bath at some Republican or evangelical event, you'll know what happened.
Fuck, I've got to get outside and into the sun.
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